Change can really hang you up the most

Since you’ve been gone, I have been trying to embrace the positive. Ahead of my start date on Monday, I went to visit my new place of work and moved a few personal things in/ onto my desk. Mostly new items of stationery. And to be honest, any excuse to get new stationery! It’s almost been worth the pain of the last year and moving jobs, just to buy new pens and notebooks. Almost. But probably not quite though, hey. I am beginning to feel ready to face this new challenge. I hope my optimism doesn’t dessert me when my alarm goes off on Monday morning. Time will tell. Despite my confidence, I am still terrified. But I guess fear isn’t always a bad thing.

I spent the rest of the last Friday of the holidays doing things I mostly wanted to do. The sun was shining (a definite bonus) and I went into town, bought some new clothes, ate cake and drank hot chocolate. Tomorrow, of course, I will have to turn my attention back to household jobs. But today was mine.

There was a man in town, busking. He was playing classics like, ‘What a Wonderful World’ and was drawing an appreciative audience. For no other reason than that he was bringing music into my life, he reminded me of you. But it is also true to say that you brought a whole lot of wonderful to my world. It made me feel happy and sad, all at the same time. I guess I’ll have to get used to that.

There is a lot to look forward to and I am very much trying to focus on the future. That’s not so difficult when the days are sunny. But I know that there are clouds gathering on the horizon and at times it will be easy to lose sight of the sun. That’s when my resolve will be truly tested.

Change can really hang you up the most. I hope you will forgive me for stealing and, ironically, changing that phrase. To continue the song title thievery, I suppose it’s time to follow David Bowie’s advice. ‘Ch ch ch ch changes… turn and face the strange…’

Stay gold.

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