It’s Not Just

It’s not just that you’re gone
So completely withdrawn
Turned off and moved on

It’s not just that it’s done
That its course has been run
And my presence you shun

It’s not just that this hole
Almost swallows me whole
Pain consuming my soul

It’s not just that I’ve died
And want only to hide
In the tears I have cried

All these things and much more
Rendered lost and unsure
I battle to endure

The Missing Piece

She thought that it was finished,
She thought it was complete,
But the piece that lay within her reach,
That was brand new,
Unknown,
A breech
Of all she had imagined true,
Was telling her of something new

She was surprised to find it,
She was amazed it fit,
But the puzzle changed before her eyes,
It altered all,
Transformed,
Despised
Those things she had imagined true,
And told her there was something new.

She knew she could not keep it,
She knew it was not hers,
But the absent piece she hadn’t missed,
Until he came,
Unsought,
Gifted
A glimpse of something pure and true,
And left her ever changed and new.

Message Memories

I used to rush each morning
Were there messages to see?
Had you had a thought-wave you were keen to share with me?
I used to hold my breath until the screen displayed your name
And smile a kilo wattage grin
When you wanted me the same

I used to check so often
Had you something else to say?
Was there music you had written before time got in the way?
I used to hope and cross my heart in superstitious lark
And have my heart leap in my chest
When you had left your mark

I used to wait each evening
Would you come and chat awhile?
To tell me of your day and ask what happened throughout mine?
I used to relish the pure joy of time spent with my friend
And never thought that one day
It would all come to an end

I’ll always long to see you
Will you have a change of heart?
Will everything we had convince you that we shouldn’t part?
I still search for the words to pop up on my mobile phone
Telling me you miss me
And no more I’ll be alone.

Broken

Since you’ve been gone, there have been a lot of empty hours.

It’s funny how a person can be busy – have lots to think about and be occupied by – but still have time to spend every minute of every day feeling lonely and lost. It’s like a massive contradiction, an oxymoron of epic proportions. And if you ask me, it’s kinda unfair. There should be some kind of respite, right? There should be something to do, or somewhere to go, that will mean the pain will stop for a while. But there’s just nowhere to hide.

I miss you with everything that makes me the person I am. The good person and the bad person. I miss you with every beat of my heart and every breath that I take. I miss you in my private moments, and in the midst of my public life. One day, perhaps in a hundred years or so, I’ll stop missing you. But in the meantime…

My feelings are broken
And it hurts
Just like I always knew it would
The shards are in splinters in a place just out of reach
So that I can’t pick them up
And nurse them back to health
They just lay there
Taunting me with their jagged edges
And jaded misery

My feelings are broken
And it hurts
Just like I always knew it would
And each breath that I take is like glass mixed with pins in my throat
So that living is painful
And each step a mountain
Hard to master
Making the oxygen harder to come by
A waking misery

My feelings are broken
And it hurts
Just like I always knew it would
There’s a huge leaden weight inside my chest that pulls me down
Laying burden upon burden
Keeping me pinned under
Stifling all hope
Reminding me that the fault is all mine
A constant misery