Since you’ve been gone, Mondays aren’t much fun anymore.
And today was particularly trying.
One week plus one Monday into my new job and I am certain of two things:
1 – There is a lot to learn/ do and it’s filling my head like crazy. 2 – I CAN do it. If I make it through September (did you get that wonky reference?), I’m sure I can start to really make this job my own.
In one respect I am glad that my time is so completely occupied. It helps me to think less about you, or to hanker after days gone by. Days that are never coming back. No matter how much I close my eyes and knock my shoes together and repeat a mantra of my heart’s desire. (That doesn’t work, by the way. Take my advice. Never trust Hollywood). And perhaps by the time I find more of an equilibrium, I will have have moved on sufficiently not to miss you so much. Oh! Look! A flying pig..!
Maybe tonight I will be granted a full night’s sleep, and maybe tomorrow I will wake up refreshed and buzzing and ready to take on the world. Or maybe the day will be new, but the way I feel will be same old, same old. Sometimes I think that no matter how much changes, how much gets better, how much is going well… the space that you once occupied will always make me feel empty.