The Calling Card

Who I am and what I’m worth
Came calling by today
Reminding me to dim my lights
And keep my dreams at bay
The mirror that they held in place
Showed just how much you care
And how my foolish secret hopes
Are so empty and unfair

I only have myself to blame
For letting my thoughts stray
The truth was always plain to see
And never far away
But this still twists my heart in knots
And pains my very core
Yet I would do it all again
If you wanted me once more

This is the sad pathetic fact
Of what I feel for you
You only have to ask of me
And anything I’d do
But knowing you won’t need to call
Or seek my company
Leaves me lost and inside-out
And to never more be free

When was the last time you did something for the first time?

When I first decided to start my own blog, I was more excited than I had been in a long time about anything, and I was dreaming big. I wanted to write about ideas, music, people, places … anything! Anything that grabbed my attention. I thought it would be cool to be able to share my perspective on the world with someone other than my long-suffering cat, and to give others a glimpse of what it’s like to see life through Kat’s eyes.

I love talking. Proper talking. The kind of talking that goes on late into the night and digs deeper than the obvious, asking all the probing questions. (Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Why does a brown cow have white milk when it’s always eating green grass?!)

I also love writing. As the years have rolled by, more and more often my writing seems to have been limited to proof reading and typing other people’s words. Not that I have any objection to making a living, but that’s not as fun as it sounds. (And there are no prizes for guessing how much fun it actually is!)

So blogging. That’s just combining the two, isn’t it? With the added attraction of making it look pretty with pictures and maybe throwing in some links to audio-visual treats. What could be better?

But after navigating my way through the sign up and set up process, I have finally sat down to a blank page and an even emptier mind, and I am suddenly doubting myself.

What if I have nothing to say?

What if nobody reads it?

What if nobody likes it?

Then I realised, there are always a million reasons to doubt yourself. A thousand excuses why it’s not worth bothering to try something new. Countless other more important things on which to spend your time. And sometimes, you only have one opportunity to prove yourself wrong.

When was the last time you did something for the first time? For me, it was today. Not only that, I’m still in the process of doing it. If I’m honest, I still have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, how it’s all going to pan out, or where it will end up taking me. I’m still familiarising myself with this site and how everything works. At the present moment, I actually have no idea how to add those interesting pictures and links I referred to back there.  Please bear with me, while I bear with myself!  I can’t let the not knowing stop me.  We all have to start somewhere, sometime.  Well I am here, and my time is now.